They Call Me Schmektor

Have Your People Get in Contact with My People

2006-11-29T15:36:00.000-08:00

Look. A lot of things have happened since you last stopped by.

After we TOTALLY kicked Vrill's ass, we came back to the plane of existance, laid a little more smack down... and then I was made King of Greyhelm.

Yeah.

If you want the details, well... I'm to busy to tell the whole story now. I have some people working on my memoirs. Look for it at amazon.com sometime in the spring.

And I know you were wondering, I finally got the camaro with T-Tops. Swing by the castle some time and I'll take you for a spin.

I aint no brainiac

2006-10-06T11:22:00.000-07:00

puzzles hurt by brain
intelligence is lacking
passwords elude me

Hangover?

2006-09-26T16:18:00.000-07:00

What the hell just happened?

I feel like some one crushed me with a two ton weight. I feel like death.

It sure seemed like we were gonna get all "giddyup" in Abbey's caboose... but DAMN!

Next time Mar makes the "slitting throat" gesture, I'll remember this day and think twice before rushing in on the attack. Now that I think about it... maybe he was making that gesture to let me know what would happen if I actually attacked Abbey.... hmmm.

either way, my head has never hurt so bad...

Temperpedic

2006-09-22T14:50:00.000-07:00

I think maybe my problem with this Book of Bad Dreams is, that I'm not sleeping on the right bed. I have heard King Tut speak of a bed made from a "remarkable viscoelastic sleep surface" . Apparently the bed has some kind of magical powers; it is a bed +2 of sorts. He has said that when you sleep 6 hours, it feels like you have slept 8. Perhaps if I had one of these magical beds, I could improve my lucid dreaming abilities and finally gain that strength point. hmmm... where can I find one of these magical beds? Is there a bed +3?

Busted...

2006-09-19T07:21:00.000-07:00

I've been called out on the carpet... I suppose it was only a matter of time before people found my little corner of the blogosphere... man, you spend a week on the tart and all hell breaks loose...

You know, I'm not sure what I think about this greyhelm place. I wake up in the middle of this huge banquet hall, and I am STARVING. I guess when you sleep for a couple days in the cart, you're bound to work up an appetite. So anyways, I wake up and I'm thinkin' to myself "it's about damn time we found some decent food to eat!" I figured the others had already eaten their share, cuz they were off in the corner getting blowjobs from some wicked hot lady on a throne... that's when it happens... I realize that I am not eating the mutton sandwich I thought I was... I don't really want to talk about it very much... let's just say I threw up a whole bunch and realized I wasn't at a big banquet and the boys weren't getting any favors from a hot chick. It took me a little while to recover from that. Now we are headed upstairs... It looks like we are going to hit some SERIOUS shit up there. I think I need to get some new gear. I love the cleaver and all, but the other guys do more damage than I do... note to self:

Save up for a new badass weapon.

The Skullet

2006-07-19T13:08:00.000-07:00

Oh man I can hardly wait to get this skull fitted to my helmet. I mean seriously. Have you ever seen anything so cool? ok... other than General Kael on Willow... Have you ever seen something so balls to the wall? People be gettin out of my way when I walk through a crowd. Not much longer and I can save up enough for that camaro. I'm just glad to be out of mom's double-wide.

Snug as a bug in Plate Mail

2006-07-10T08:05:00.000-07:00

phew... it sure is nice to finally have some armour. I just hope this stuff doesn't re-animate and posess me or something. That would royally suck.

Zzzz Zzzz Zzzz

2006-06-24T08:59:00.000-07:00

Unconcious again... I need to level up and maybe buy some armour. this going down in two rounds of basic combat is for the friggin birds. Damn Knights of Armek... with their fancy flame throwers and chainsaws. What's a guy like me supposed to do with a cleaver? Damn the man!

One Sharp, Big-ass Cleaver

2006-06-20T08:45:00.000-07:00

I am glad we're done with that giant. I had no idea killing a looting could be so profitable. I like this gem I got from the giant's cave. I think I'll keep it for good luck. That Marivhon guy seems a little shifty. All I'm trying to do is help out and he gets all freaky paranoid on me. He must be paranoid by nature... I mean, you have to be two clicks past crazy to carve out a giant's testes for a souvenir. But hey... he's been to Hello Airport and back... that's got to mess with your head.

P U

2006-06-16T07:54:00.000-07:00

What the hell did that guy eat for breakfast?!

I friggin hate giants. They never brush, nor do they floss. Bad oral hygiene says so much about one's moral character. I mean, If you're not going to take care of your teeth, you just don't value yourself as an individual. And if you don't value yourself, how do you expect to gain the respect of others or find love? That giant is going to die at the hands of the half-breeds... all alone... no loved one to be there in his last few moments... all alone... with his stinkin' ass breath.

2006-06-14T20:43:00.000-07:00

I suppose this is the most recent portrait of me.